Introducing ZBlacksheep

Introducing ZBlacksheep

Age 28, no relations for over 10 years, SP since age 13.
Btw i'm from the Netherlands so my english won't be perfect.
I've had problems with my gear since age 6, my foreskin was growing tight (Pfymosis).
So back then I already felt bad about myself and my body, never the less I tried to come along with the other kids on elemetary school.
Doctors at the school dismissed the problem and told my mother that they wouldn't cure the problem but they only noted it. (Frankly a circumcission on age 6 is a bit risky)
With that problem still in place I grew older and at age 13 the SP problem showed up.
Like many here i didn't pay much attention to it back then, yes I felt different because of the pfymosis problem but I hadn't reached the age of having sex with girls so i didn't have to worry (yet). Also in my opinion back then the Pfymosis was a bigger problem then SP.

At age 14 i had some simple relations with girls that didn't invole sex, so back then I kinda felt normal towards relationships.
But then when I was 15 I got into a more serious relationship (at least I though it was)
that girl really liked me and after a few months we started to "explore" each other bodies.
After 5 months we were at point of have real sex but after a close inspection (which do occure during exploring bodies) she pushed me away while entering her body.
Needless to say I was dissapointed... even more when I found out 1 of my best friends was having sex with her (without the pushing-away part)
To make sad story complete she left me with a big fight when I confronted her with having sex with 1 of my friends. (He is still a good friend though)

A year or so after that I got a call from a friend who was helping out an old girlfriend.
She had to leave her home because of the enormous fights she had with her mother, so my friend provided her with a roof above her head...(sad story, too much info, nevermind
She always had some kind of crush on me but was always chasing the big dicks.
So I went to my friend(s) for some beer and weed and to hang out at their home.
When i got there it was obvious that she was horny as hell and just needed someone to get her "plessure"
So i went upstairs with her and locked the room.
My friend (the 1 who called) was no pretty guy so he didn't get any girlfriend (he still doesn't) so he couldn't give her that kind of service.
After she started to masturbate me she took her clothes back on (and mine!) only to get a orgasm by riding the bump in my pants. after that she just redirected me down the stairs again.
Yet another beautiful experience....not

At age 16,5 i finally found a girl who really liked me for what i am/was, she had no problem with my SP or pfymosis (i got circumsized at age 21, but that's another story)
But when the moment was there (after 5 months) i didn't had protection so no sex...
3 days laters she broke up.

Then a period of doubt and disgust arrived, i switched to another school because i didn't wanted to do my best at anything anymore. So i went to a school for less smart people cause i got kicked out for having bad results.
(For the non-dutch, in Holland you have 3 levels of mid-school, VWO for real smart kids, HAVO for medium, VMBO for low-end) I went from a VWO-school to a VMBO-school.

On the new school I met another girl who really was blown away by my apperance and character.
She really did everything for me... so when i got passed the first 5 months (again) without having real sex (masturbation not included) the moment was there...
And i was lucky, i had for a period of 7 months protected sex and almost 7 months after that without protection. I was happy that i had found a girlfriend who even liked having sex with me.
But then she started noticing my bumps and started to ask questions about my pfymosis and SP.
Totally supprised i could only reply that i had them for years and that i felt really bad about both problems. So she went to a doctor (without having me know) he told her that it could be an infection or a STD. (I mean a doctor... without ever having me examend...telling my girl i could have a STD, man i was pissed)
Again needless to say the sex and the wonderfull feelings about it died over the following period. After a relationship of 20 months is was over.
This was almost at the end of mid-school.

When i was 18 i went to a new school in another place, the only thing i did with girls back then was pushing them away and giving a really big mouth. I had decided for myself that i was no good, so everybody would pay for that. So for a period of 3 years i pushed, shouted, slapped or hit every girl who dared to approach my feelings. (no i'm not proud of that)
Continously thinking that my problems couldn't be fixed and that i was a freak of nature.

So at 21 and totally desperate i went to my doctor, showed him my pfymosis problem and asked him if i could get a circumcission. After hearing the story about the elementary-school doctors he shook his head and wished i've had come at an earlier age to get rid of the pfymosis.
Why tell the cicumcission first?? (i almost can hear you guys thinking)
I though that after the circumcission the SP problem would fade away or at least it would mean getting less bumps. Well it didn't... i got scars from the 16 stiches due the circumcission. So totally pissed i went to my doctor again (3 months later)
He looked at my gear again with a kind of indifferance that a mother has when she pushes out her 8th child. He said it was totally normal and that even he had them and even offered to show them.
I couldn't get my head around it, i wanted to believe him. (i refused to see his SP) but i couldn't.
I almost crashed there on that moment in that small doctor's room. So the doctor got me into a program for people with Body-Dismorphing-Disorder. I had to wait a few months for getting in the program and for some subscripted anti-depressives.
I followed the treatment for 8 months after that my therapist got a better job at a private clinic so my treatment was stopped. (Why? because in Holland you can get a fixed number of
treaments paid by our goverment/taxpayers, and i've had 3/4 of my treatments. So starting to trust another therapist would take more time then i got paid for) So the treatment ended.

Now 3 years later i'm searching the web for potential cures or stories to cheer me up.
So that's how i found this site, I know i don't have story that cheers people up but i needed to put my story to the world.

My advice to guys with SP who didn't had sex yet: get someone how likes you for what you are not how your dick might look like.

Sheep out.


Edit:
i totally forgot to mention how bad my SP really looks... i'd say 4/10
so gladly i already gained some confidence again by looking at the photo's here and reading the other stories...

Body Dismorphic Disorder. My guess is that lots of dudes here suffer from it.

My diagnose was BDD also. And it sucks. Your story is kinda like mine, except for the female beating part

Oh yeah, Holland here also. Is there something in the water?

I know it sounds a little dramatic, but i only really hit that girl once... I'm not proud of it but she insulted me to the bone... only cause the way i look. If i could set back time i wouldn't do it again but just laugh her in the face for being so small-minded. I think i just always pick out the bad girls...